Aye, Mateys!

Bippy the Bipolar Penguin makes his U.S. debut!

The long awaited children's book project "Bippy the Bipolar Penguin" will be making it's American debut on this site, and only this site. Three long months in the making, "Bippy" is a tale about a loveable penguin with a slight mental disorder, the unfortunate bipolar condition. He works at a grocery store in the produce department, and the story starts off on a particularly adventurous day when Bippy loses his magic banana. 

Filled with lots of fun and interesting characters for young children to emulate, and lots of innuendos for adults to pick up on that reveal the hidden perversion of the author, "Bippy" is already a hit in such important book markets as Ukraine and Liechtenstein. We are certain the success will follow this spirited young penguin back home to the ole' U.S. 

The fame gathered around the world has not come without a price for "Bippy", however. In Malaysia, a young boy choked on a "Bippy" toy he got in a McDonald's happy meal. This caused a massive recall of the toys, which were found not only to be unsafe, but coated in cyanide, as well. Hermann "Roo" Chunkestuw, the Polish author, has said this in his defense: "I do not make toys. I write book. I don't even like fast food. It gives a stomachache to me. I do like money and concubines given as gifts from McDonald's. They really do love to see you smile." 

Look for the book to appear sometime within the month of October on this site. 

Get in style with "Survivor!"

As Survivor-mania sweeps across the states, people ask each other questions. "Isn't Richard egotistical?" "Why did they kick off Greg?" And overheard in the coolest mall in CA..."Wasn't Colleen's mini-mini-skirt to DIE for?"

Yes, as "They got voted off the island" becomes America's new "Is that your final answer," it's no wonder people in the trendiest places want to look like TV's newest superstars. Salons are

Expect to see the ultra-efficient "Rattana Wrap" in a Target near you soon. This must-have has more uses than a Swiss Army knife! It's a bandana, a scarf, an armband, a tube top, a mini-mini-skirt, and a butt cover for the occasional nudist...all in one for the low low price of $39.99!